Shattering
by Ascella Noelle
Summary: Human AU. Roderich gets a call in the middle of the night. The summery is actually shit. Warnings for: Suicidal thoughts, Depression, Gilbert's mouth, Unrequited Love and other lovely angsty things
Hey guys! Since this is gonna be the first fanfic I put up on here I thought I'd do just a short and simple one-shot

These characters do **not** belong to me, if they did, Gerita would be f****** canon already

Warnings: implied suicidal thoughts, depression, cursing, middle-of-the-night phone calls, unrequited love, alcohol mentions, implied convenience marriage, minor character death

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BRRRIIIIIIIININININING

Roderich awoke with a start. What the? It took a moment (or maybe several) to realize that the obnoxious sound was coming from the phone, which for some reason was at **full volume** , and ringing in the middle of the night. He flopped back down onto his bed, mentally chiding himself for being so startled at a telephone. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Roderich picked himself up off the down pillows, grabbed his glasses placed conveniently on his nightstand, and told himself that, Well now that he was up, he might as well see who is calling while every sane person is sleeping.

BBBBRRRRIIIIIIIINININNNGG

"Hold on I'm on my way," He grumbled at the phone. Roderich stretched as he walk towards his office, glancing at the clock above the mantle. **3:30** , the clock read. His annoyance grew. _Whomever is calling at this time better have a damn good reason,_ He thought. _Why couldn't this have waited till morning._

Roderich turned on the light in his office and glanced at the caller ID. Gilbert Bele.. He let out a low groan and slumped back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. _I can't believe I got up for this idiot._ The pianist stood to return to bed, not in the mood to deal with Gilbert's drunken ramblings. _I have an answering machine for a reason,_ he thought, almost bitterly.

BBBBBBBBBRRRRRIIIIINININGG

"You have reached the residence of Roderich Ecklestine, I am not able to come to the phone at the moment. Please leave name, number, and/or a message after the beep."

BEEP.

"Hey Roddy," Gilbert's voice came through the machine, "It seems like forever since I've talked to you."

Roderich slowed his journey back to the bedroom. Something was not right. For one thing, Gilbert sounded completely somber. Utterly exhausted, but somber. For another Gil's voice was missing it's usual mirth and sounded like it was…. broken? Something vital was missing from his tone. Something was very very wrong.

"I don't really know why I called ya," the voice continued, "You're gonna delete this message anyways, before you even listen to it," the not-quite-Gilbert gave a weak chuckle, "Don't wanna hear my rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On' while I'm completely plastered huh?"

There was a long pause, and he could hear Gilbert's small puffs of air and was that….. a sniffle? _You are imagining things Roderich,_ he told himself sternly, _Gilbert Beilschmidt does. not. cry._

"I'm sorry."

The Austrian sat numbly for a moment, then frantically look for something to else record the message, (Just in case his lack of sleep or his ancient machine were tricking him.) He had only heard Gilbert say those words, (and mean them) once in his life. And the recipient of that apology was dead. Roderich briefly remembered Old Fritz's funeral.

"I'm so sorry, Roderich. For every stupid fight. For being such an annoying pest. For the whole thing with Liz. For being me. Fuck. Why do I have to be such an obnoxious asshole?"

There was more silence, as he tried to wrap his head around that **Gilbert Beilschmidt** was apologizing to him. That **Gilbert Beilschmidt** was the cause of this cold, anxious feeling way down in his gut.

"I'm still waiting for you to file a restraining order against me." Gilbert started again, "It's so damn obvious that you'd be a lot happier without me bothering you." The albino man gave a short bitter laugh. "Hell, I think everyone would."

Everything felt so cold, so fragile, like you were walking on a frozen lake. It wasn't like Gilbert to be this quiet. To sound this weak. This made no sense at all. Gilbert strength was a constant in life, he may be problematic, and thoughtless, and straight up narscissistic at times, but he has always been strong. _Or he seemed like that anyway,_ a little dark part of Roderich wispered.

"It's so empty in the house now," said the voice, barely above a whisper, "Ever since West moved in with Feli… It was quiet when he was here too, but a different kind of quiet… Not the lonely kind. Now that he's gone I… I don't know what to do. Maybe he kept me sane… I feel so selfish for wanting him back here, he's so happy… but I'm so gottdamn alONE." His voice broke on the last word, conveying the amount of pain he was in.

Shaky breathing and a sniffle that turned into a laugh halfway. "Pathetic aren't I?" Gilbert joked without an ounce of humor. "I really don't know why I called you… Francis, Toni, Alfred... hell, even Liz, they all have told me to call them if I feel like this again… Maybe I just don't want to deal with them freaking."

Roderich listened to his unsteady breathing, waiting for him to continue.

"Would you miss me Roddy? Gilbert asked quietly, "Luddy would, but he would get over it… Plus he has Feli to comfort him. He might even be happy later… He doesn't have his useless older brother to deal with… Liz might miss me too… We grew up together so it make sense… I know she can't hate me, even after what happened with your guys' engagement… I just don't know… Do you hate me for that?... Me ruining your chance at happiness for my stupid infatuation with you... Well I hate me for that. For other reasons too… but that one hurts pretty damn bad."

 _In.. Infatuation?_ Roderich thought, stunned.

"Twenty eight years old, and I'm still where sixteen year old me was. Debating offing myself at four in the morning… Verdammt." There was a small movement, perhaps Gilbert shifting the phone a little bit.

Frozen panic seeped into his veins as the pianist suddenly pushed away from the desk. _I have to find him. Now._

"I hate pretending that everything is ok, it's not ok. Not. At. Fucking. All."

Grabbing his coat off the hanger, Roderich rushed toward the door, not bothering to change out of his pajamas.

"You could have been happy with her ya know… Just because she couldn't like you.. well.. sexually… You still could have married her. I was an idiot for messing with your guys' relationship. Fuck. Just because the whole unrequited love thing isn't mutual doesn't mean I had to make you miserable!" Gilbert's voice rose as pain and anger broke through his whispering.

"I'm sorry, so sorry."

It took all of Roderich's strength to keep from interrupting Gilbert's soliloquy and shouting, "No you don't need to be sorry! That wasn't your fault!" But that could wait, in fact everything could wait until Roderich told him that he-, that he was loved. He grabbed his keys, and took one last look at the now-quiet answering machine that only projected soft breathing coming from the other end. Roderich stood in limbo, wanting to hear if Gilbert would continue but also knowing that his house was fifteen minutes away and for some reason he needed to get there as soon as possible.

The pianist mind suddenly was jerked back to Old Fritz's funeral. Instead of wrinkled, grey fingers wrapped peacefully around the flowers, there was a young, healthy, but extremely pale ones gripping the stems as if terrified. Roderich's mind felt as if it had been shattered from that brief mental image. He yanked the door closed suddenly and left the house very quiet and very empty.

He had to make things right.

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Ok, thanks for the read mate! I wrote this 1. because Gil seems like the type to hide depression and loneliness (I mean come **on** that's canon right?) under his facade of narscissistism and 2. depresion should be recognized as something that is a lifelong condition more, it's not just for teens.

Anyways, again thanks for reading my first fic on here! R&R if you want (I'll love you forever) and I'll see you soon!

 **PSA:** Depression is a very serious mental illness that should never be taken lightly. In this fic I have portrayed the emotions as I have felt them and as people I have discussed this with have felt them. Everyone's mind is different. If you or a loved one is feeling anything like this and need to talk to someone, I am here for you.


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